Boys Rule

The following is not an excerpt from my book but continues to illustrate the concept of how the spirit of Jezebel fuels strong black woman fires.

“Boys rule. Girls don’t,” Joshua exclaimed from the other room as he was watching some commercial that showed children somehow interacting. After asking what he meant, he said, “Boys rule because they can be husbands and girls can only rule their children.” You know I was taken aback. He understood the assigned roles of husbands and wives in the home, gathered from the structure of our home, and expressed this in his 7-year-old way, but I was not impressed with his theology; I was concerned about his sexology. His domineering tone of “boys rule” hallowed my gut and made me think “He’s a little sexist in the making” and all I wanted to do was tell him all the ways that I, a “girl,” ruled beyond overseeing my children.

I wanted to tell him that I led my classrooms as a teacher, ran my department as a director, organized my team as a department coordinator, rallied my sorors and church members as committee chair for several committees and with most of these I was leading women AND men. Then I thought to explain how “only” ruling my children was the most important, exhausting and rewarding job that I ever had so now it tops the list of my daily responsibilities. But I didn’t say any of this because I recognized that Jezebel was haunting me and trying to scare me into standing up and taking my place in the eyes of my 7-year-old. She urged me to make him see that I, too, was worthy of broad-based rulership recognition in his eyes. I may have wanted him to say “Boys rule and girls do, too,” but Jezebel wanted Joshua to say “Girls rule and boys don’t.” She wanted me to displace my husband all so that my son could see another “boss” side to me (1 Timothy 2:12).

Though I am clear that my husband should be leading the home and am pleased that he’s not a tyrant, I want to listen to Jezebel. Though I have no doubt that my role is to manage the home, including being the primary manager of the children, I want to follow Jezebel’s ways. Though Joshua has acknowledged “you pastor your disciples,” I want to choose Jezebel’s words so that Joshua can see through me that “girls rule.” Besides talking to my husband about our need to be more purposeful in teaching our sons about gender equality in personhood, I kept my mouth shut with Joshua. I realized that I wouldn’t be trying to lovingly teach him about gender equality. I wanted to right the wrong of his thinking, to get him to see that girls rule too. But really it wasn’t about being right; it was about being recognized. When you want to be recognized you follow your own standards; you do what you think is necessary so that you are recognized even if it’s just in the eyes of your 7-year-old son. But when you want to be right, you follow God’s standards. You do what He told you to do no matter what anybody thinks about it. When you want to be right, you accept what God has for you and don’t seek approval from man. When you want to be right, you humble yourself and wait on God to exalt you, even in the eyes of your 7-year-old son.

So I waited, but I guess subconsciously I thought God was taking too long to exalt me. Over the weekend, I stopped waiting and went along with Jezebel, and it was not pretty. Tune in next time and I’ll tell you all about that then.

Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith

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6 responses to “Boys Rule

  1. Power and passion in these words. It’s a trick balance trying to check the images our children see of us at home. My little 8-year -old female ruler reveres her daddy and the fact that he teaches and helps her with math. Once she told me, “my daddy is so smart.”” when I made the mistake of asking her view of mommy she said :”you’re just a typer.”” the writer in me had no words.

  2. I loved this post. I live with you and I can’t wait to see what happened next! I pray Hannah’s patience for you while we wait for and prod our sons toward being well-balanced, right-viewed men of God.

  3. WOW! I don’t think I could have kept quiet. I probably would have made sure Josh understood “roles” vs “equality”. Praise the Lord mom. When we wait on the Lord He always gives us wisdom, and that’s one of those times when to ask God what to say, if anything. Can’t wait for the next part.

  4. musingsofastrongblackwoman

    Nik,

    With your home being less traditional than mine, it’s amazing that our children have similar perspectives. I think media speaks very loudly to them. I pray God gives us the proper loud voice to direct our children the right way.

  5. musingsofastrongblackwoman

    Thanks, Babe. You know I need that patience, but I’m in it for the long haul.

  6. musingsofastrongblackwoman

    Andrina, you are saying exactly what I know my challenge is: to help Joshua to distinguish between roles and equality. I have to wait on God because when I do it, what a mess comes. You’ll see what I mean in the next post or two.

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