One Lesbian Speaks

On Saturday, April 10, 2010, Equipped for Life, the radio broadcast of my church, Evangel Ministries in Detroit, hosted Answering the Challenge, the broadcast’s evangelistic outreach ministry, with the topic “The Questions of Homosexuality.” It was my church’s attempt to reach out to the homosexual community in a civil manner, particularly offering hope through Jesus Christ to those struggling with homosexuality and wanting to change. Love flowed through the sanctuary of heterosexuals and homosexuals who all had varied stories. The event organizer asked me to deliver a poem. I prayed that God would show me what message He wanted me to deliver. He gave me a piece from a lesbian’s point of view. The gay community, like no community, is not monolithic, so this poem is Just One Story,* the name of the piece:

He beat me

And I scrambled, not wishing to handle the situation ever so delicately

So others could see we were the perfect couple.

He beat me so I ran to her and she cared for me, again, like when he broke that bottle over my head

Said he wouldn’t do it anymore

But there WAS more

More of his insecurity

More of his seeing me as the enemy

His trying to control me

His love shown in excuses and apologies.

He said he wouldn’t do it anymore.

But there was always more.

More of his lies

My cries

His drinking and stinking up the place

My seeking an escape in tiny corners, the small space under the bed, the clothes closet, against a door, a wall, a window, underneath the kitchen table.

He was always able to charm me back to him.

But he beat me again.

So I ran to her

And she held me close

She took me in

She let me weep

She let me talk

She cleaned and bandaged my wounds.

I stayed.

Though I wondered if I should

Cuz I never thought loving her would be right

But I prayed in the small spaces that one day I wouldn’t have to explain my face:

The shut black eye

The red swollen lip

The deep cut cheek

The bleeding mouth

When I ran to her

she held me close

She took me in

She let me weep

She let me talk

She cleaned and bandaged my wounds.

I stayed.

No more beatings

No more pain

No more apologies and excuses

The love here is sane.

I don’t have to explain anything.

She just knows.

Now I know what love really is

I know it didn’t start right.

I’m not sure that it is right.

I know it just feels right.

I understand the fight for gay rights

I hope the whole country changes its mind

Sees this lifestyle, my lifestyle, as just fine.

I hope they do cuz it’s natural for me.

I’ve never known a love so true.

I’m really happy.

And I know that God would have me to be happy.

Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith

*Listen to this on my YouTube Channel (though it looks like a badly dubbed foreign movie. I’m working on getting the video right, but the sound is great.)

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2 responses to “One Lesbian Speaks

  1. Wonderful ……….
    … now all i have to do is get on the computer and check it out on you tube thanks for sharing ……..

  2. musingsofastrongblackwoman

    Thank you, Kamil. Thank you.

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