Choosing Silence

Think before you speak. Breathe before you speak. Pause before you speak. Count to 10 before you speak. We are given all these warnings so we don’t regret saying something that will hurt someone’s feelings, damage a relationship or even mess up our reputation. This can be hard for strong black women who believe in telling it like it is and setting the record straight. But what about when we go to the other extreme, choosing silence not to practice self control but to control?

Sometimes we choose silence as a method of control. Here are some ways:
1) We don’t tell others about our weak moments because we want to control how they view us;
2) We want others to suffer so we give them the silent treatment; and
3) We take God’s silence as permission to do what we want.

Have you ever chosen silence to control how others view you, to punish them or to do what you want? Look forward to hearing more on these. In the meantime I’d love to hear your control stories.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith

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6 responses to “Choosing Silence

  1. I am comfortable with sharing my challenges with my close friends, family, and spiritual sisters. I am not feaerful of being perceived as weak or less than the strong black woman I know I am. After stuggling with some serious depression years ago and recovering by the grade of God, I vowed never to hold anything inside. Now what I am challenged with is using silence as a form of punishment. Not good, but in order to change I know the first step is acknowledgement.

  2. musingsofastrongblackwoman

    Erica, that’s great that you can share your shortcomings with a trusted group. That’s what God would have us to do so we get healed. Thanks for acknowledging that silence as punishment thing too many of us do. Truly, confession is the beginning of healing.

  3. I am kind of upset reading this right now because that’s exactly how I was planning my morning since he’s doing it tonight, but I have to say that this is great advice so I’m going to take it. I let tonight get to me so I’m up at 4 am mad and thinking of what I’m going to do tomorrow since he wouldn’t talk to me tonight, but that’s no way to solve problems so thank you and I’m going to go to sleep so I can be right for church tomorrow. Good Night

  4. I guess you called me out. I don’t think I realized the silent treatment was another way of being mean, controlling until one day in a meeting I caught a glimpse of the look on my face. I saw my reflection and thought to myself, Oh Girl who are you fooling. Attitude, attitude even as I was silent.

    I’m still working on watching my tongue but a lot more from perspective of not even getting attached to other people’s stuff. Working real hard to see a spark of God in everyone, that way maybe I can have kinder, less controlling thoughts. I’m trying.. GOOD POST

  5. Regretfully, my silent treatment is usually just the calm before the storm. 😦 I really do try to hold my tongue. But sometimes, the more I hold it, the more it aggravates me and it just keeps building and building and then- whamo. I’m drafting a 3 page email tellin somebody off for how obviously wrong, stupid, or unjustified they are. And since I’ve now had time to really think about it and hype myself up, I’ve had plenty of time to word it in the most scathing way possible. It’s really a terrible way of “dealing” with a problem and leaves a lot of un-retractable hurt in it’s wake. Great topic!

  6. musingsofastrongblackwoman

    Thanks for your honesty, Christen. Glad to see you back commenting on the blog.

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