Losing It

Like Florida Evans I, too, lost it. One day I realized that a loved one had died, and I could no longer hold it together. Some years ago, in uncharacteristic fashion (like Florida Evans cursing after her husband, James, died), I wanted to die. My loved one wasn’t my spouse or a child, but she was the strong black woman inside me whose strength had waned and had left me depleted and hopeless.

Yes, I was on The List (see previous blog), and I couldn’t keep being all these things to satisfy the role of a strong black woman. Being a strong black woman is tough, so I had to give up the job and get off the list by allowing her to die. Her death grieved me, but even in my mourning I know it was for the best.

I know that I’m not alone. What was your moment of awakening? When did you realize that the strong black woman in you had to die? Do you still love her and still have her? I want to hear you all, no matter what your perspective.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith

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