Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman's Weblog

Follow Me at My New Site

musingsofastrongblackwoman — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 13:00:27 +0000

Same name, different site: Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman now at http://www.musingsofastrongblackwoman.com.

The New Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman

musingsofastrongblackwoman — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 14:08:41 +0000

I had a productive month off and am looking forward to you joining me at my new blogsite, http://musingsofastrongblackwoman.com. Sign up there to receive my blog by email and to join my mailing list to stay up to date on my latest writing projects and other activities. Don’t forget to share this site with a friend.

The Good Wife

musingsofastrongblackwoman — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 20:08:50 +0000

Today I heard contrasting stories about wives. One husband said he would give his wife anything, eternally grateful for how she encouraged him through medical school and his practice. The other was ungrateful for his wife’s contributions, blaming her for most of their struggles. Both views made me think of the following post, originally published September 23, 2009 under the title Momma Wife? This challenges wives to be biblical regardless of how their husbands treat them. Yes, this is a hard word, but one we as wives who call ourselves Christians must embrace so that God is the only one who receives glory.

“I got four kids,” I’ve heard women with three children say, taking a stab at their husband by classifying him as the fourth child. A lot of us women feel this way when we pick up our husbands’ clothes, help them figure out logistics and do housework. We think, “What would they do without us?” or “I didn’t sign up to be his mother.” Though these tasks can be annoying, God’s idea of a wife wasn’t a built-in slave for a husband. I don’t even think it was for husbands to be dependent upon wives; I believe God’s idea of a wife being a helper to her husband was the woman’s role in an interdependent relationship, two different minds coming together to compliment the other for the glory of God’s kingdom. I believe the idea of a helper, or a nurturer, was intended for the husband’s growth, not so he can glory in his achievements but so he would be equipped to accomplish God’s will for the salvation of mankind.

Two are better than one. Ecclesiastes 4:9 tells us this for three reasons: 1) if one falls, the other is there to help her up; 2) if they lie down together, they will be warmer than if they lied down alone; and 3) one may be overpowered by an enemy, but two will be able to resist him. Each of these instances shows interdependence, both parties benefiting from the relationship. And most of us want the person on our team to be at his best. Being a nurturer helps a husband to be at his best to give you his best and to fight the enemy. When you are both at your best, you think clearly and can properly prioritize. And the number one priority for a believer is to make God known throughout the earth, and to defeat our number one enemy, Satan, is at the top of the list in order to achieve this.

I think too many so-called strong black women protest nurturing their husbands with a “what about me? What’s he going to do for me?” And those are legitimate questions, but I believe Ecclesiastes helps to answer those and so do Ephesians 5:25-33, Colossians 3:19, 1 Corinthians 7:3 and 1 Peter 3:7. You need to know what your husband’s role is too. And you shouldn’t enter a marriage if you aren’t sure that your mate can be a husband according to Scripture. But if your husband goes crazy in the marriage and forgets that he is a biblical husband, you are not absolved from being a biblical wife.

What god put together, let no man tear apart (Mark 10:9). We focus so much on this meaning the couple shouldn’t divorce and rightly so because this is the proper interpretation, but I want us to apply this to the roles that God put in place for the wife. We cannot tear away the biblical roles from the definition of wife because God defined the wife. When we decide to do so is like us deciding to be God. We are not free to redefine our roles to our level of comfort. Let us be the wives, the nurturers of our husbands, that God called us to be.

Sherrod Charade

musingsofastrongblackwoman — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 14:52:07 +0000

As I have thought about the unfair treatment of Shirley Sherrod, I remembered my post on Equality vs. Fair Treatment. In white racists and angry white male sympathizers’ attempts to show that they, too, are not racists, both groups immediately condemned Sherrod for what they believed was equal to the discrimination some whites have been guilty of. Every situation is unique. That’s why I believe being treated fairly, not equal, should always be the goal. Read this and tell me what you think.

I believe in fair treatment and less so in equality all across the board. This may sound strange, but I’ve thought about it for a while, and I know that I’d rather be treated fairly than equal to someone else because of the basic fact that I don’t need nor deserve what some others may have. See, if my parents had treated me and my siblings equal and not fairly, I wouldn’t have received a car that was required for an internship that I won; they would have had to buy them one, too. Or I would have been unable to use my parents’ credit card, like one of my other siblings who abused the use. When my 6th grade teacher compared me to my sister who she had the year before, my mama got her straight. “Don’t be comparing my babies. Rhonda learns differently than Sharon and you must accept who she is.” I want to be treated according to who I am (a unique child of God), what I do (my work wage should be based on my work not my race or gender), how I act (the righteousness of my personality), and what I need (regardless of what I think or how I act and the merits of each, I want God to give me what I need to develop the character to do what He needs me to do). To be treated equal is to be treated the same. To be treated fair is to be treated according to what you need. What we need, as Christians, is what God says we need. Fair treatment according to God’s standards is justice, and that’s what we should be striving for.

Originally posted March 6, 2009

Keep Your House (via Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman’s Weblog)

musingsofastrongblackwoman — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 15:17:06 +0000

Though I’m taking a break from blogging, I can never break from keeping my house.

Many times these days you may find me barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen as I serve my family and prepare to bring another of God’s chosen into the world. Years ago you wouldn’t find me this way: I cooked out of my own necessity and didn’t care much if I got married or had children or not. And if God decided that I should marry and get pregnant, my attitude was “You will never find me in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant.” I mimicked the cliché … Read More

via Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman's Weblog

Reproductive Rights (via Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman’s Weblog)

musingsofastrongblackwoman — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 13:55:47 +0000

Last week I had a pretty intense conversation on Christians and birth control with my best friend Carla. We have differing views. This talk brought to mind this post I wrote April 2009, particularly the line that “economic or emotional reasons … may not be cause to use birth control ….” As I am still pondering and reconsidering under what circumstances that economic or emotional reasons may not be cause to use birth control, I ask you to think about that and give me your feedback.

The age old argument for abortion goes: “I’m not in favor of abortion for me, but I believe women should have a choice to decide what they want to do with their own bodies.” I used to think that, too. In my teens and early 20s, I was vocal about it and placed money on it, giving $200 to help fund a friend’s late term abortion. An age old argument for birth control methods goes: “I don’t want to get pregnant so I’m going to take birth control pill … Read More

via Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman's Weblog

Emasculating She-Devil?

musingsofastrongblackwoman — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 19:56:56 +0000

A few days ago I saw this segment that asked “Is there a thin line between being a strong black woman and an emasculating she-devil?” The hosts offered their opinions, albeit purposely slim–they wanted to hear what viewers thought. Anyway, their question reminded me of some strong black woman issues that I brought up in a post of that same name. Click the link to check it out. As always, tell me what you think.

Dizzying Doublespeak

musingsofastrongblackwoman — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 19:50:34 +0000

This article is the perfect example of the dizzying doublespeak I discuss in my post “Strong Black Woman in Recovery.” Check them both out, and tell me what you think.

Snapshot Moment

musingsofastrongblackwoman — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 21:28:41 +0000

My Three Sons

I had a snapshot moment with my two youngest. They had a synchronized meltdown, crying in unison and both clamoring for mama’s love. After I changed the toddler’s training pants and then the baby’s diaper, I wiped the waterfalls from their faces and let them lay in bed with me. The baby nursed on my right while the toddler caressed my left. That was yesterday. Today was almost a snap back moment when all three wanted something from me: The firstborn wanted permission to play a game; the toddler wanted cereal; and the baby just wanted me. I was only gone for three hours, a needful leave to get my teeth cleaned and some groceries, something my husband usually does, but he was sick. And he was with them when I was gone for three hours, but not all the way with them because he was sick. I had a muffin this morning. I resisted overspending because I was hungry and looked forward to eating when I got home. But with three needy children demanding me upon arrival and a sick spent husband, food for me had to wait a little bit, and I almost said, “Oooo, dese kids,” but I remembered my poem with that line and decided to shut my mouth, suck up my plans and meditate on being a Carrier of Life.

Inconvenient Children (via Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman’s Weblog)

musingsofastrongblackwoman — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 14:47:37 +0000

Yesterday Nathaniel, my 2-year-old, asked me 20 times in rapid succession for grapes. I’m not exaggerating because I decided to count as I was in the process of getting them for him. I could only laugh at his little demanding self. I laugh to keep from being overwhelmed, even as I’m on my way to another of his doctor’s appointments. The little bugger’s allergic to so much. With all the demands of motherhood, I remembered this post and know that it is a privilege to be a mom.

Some months ago my friend Renee was telling me that I must watch "La Vie en Rose," the tragic biopic of French chanteuse Edith Piaf. She went on describe that this heartwrenching tale would grip my soul and make me want to pity and rescue Edith from the brothel, street and circus (literally and figuratively) life she lived throughout her life. I watched the movie this morning. Shuffled from parent to parent and place to place for convenience sake … Read More

via Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman's Weblog